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After school on Friday Alicia finds Sammy to chat.

As Sammy is walking out of the school, she finds herself gaining a shadow. Alicia is there, matching her steps.

She says, in a soft, tentative voice, "Sammy, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?"  Sammy doesn't seem displeased to see Alicia.

Alicia takes a few seconds as she struggles to find the right words.

"Are you upset with me? I mean, for hooking up with Rhys?"

Sammy looks at her oddly.  "How do you mean that?  I don't care that you're dating him, if that's what you mean.  It kind of scares me how fast you two have gotten, so, uh..."  She makes a squishing together motion with her hands.

Now that the subject is broached, Alicia's words rush out like a flood.

"Well, you two seemed to hit it off when he showed up, since you're both musicians and you were playing so well together at your place, but I thought with you and Elrod going steady, it wouldn't be a bad thing, but you were acting so odd yesterday at the pizza party and today, so I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to hurt you any more than I already have, so..."

She finally runs down and keeps walking, head down.

"I had to disappear for a while yesterday just to clear my head.  The conversation was bringing up some memories; most of them were scary, and one's just really embarrassing.  I was feeling a little trapped by them, so I took myself someplace quiet."

Alicia says quietly, "OK."

After a pause, she continues, "I know I'm not exactly the most empathetic person around, but if you need someone to talk to, I'll try my best."

"Thanks, but... I just want to try to forget.  In the bad memories, the people who hurt me-- they can't hurt me any more.  Never.  They're incapable of it.  The embarrassing thing... I just have to get over it.  Usually I do okay, but sometimes the memory is kind of intense, and there's somebody else whose dignity I have to worry about.  So--" Sammy shrugs.  "so I run away a lot to compose myself."

Alicia says "OK" again.

Kicking an errant stone as she continues to walk along, she says in a serious tone, "Sammy, I just want you to know. You're the first person at the school that friended me, even after I did stupid things. Chances are I'll do more stupid things, but the last thing I want to do is cause you any more harm than I already have. So, please, don't be afraid to tell me I'm being stupid when I am, OK?"

She swallows and continues, "And if there's anything you need me to do, tell me, please. I'll do it, for you."

Sammy almost snaps "Stop that!" but holds it in.  Not helpful.  "OK, but I'm good right now.  Can I take a rain check on that?  Call it in later?"

Alicia cocks her head. She's missed something, but she's not sure what.

"Sure. Anytime."

She tries to forestall an uncomfortable silence by changing the subject. "So, if Ree-is comes over to practice this weekend, can I come too? I love to hear you guys play."

"Yeah, anytime.  Would you want to come to dinner before?"

Alicia shrugs. "If it's not a bother."

She remembers something from the previous visit. "I can bring something to share."

Sammy looks confused.  "It's not a bother.  Why would it be a bother?" 

Alicia sighs. "Never mind. I'll be there."

She turns to go, but stops and looks steadily at Sammy. "So, we're cool, right?"

"Yeah, we're cool.  I worry about you sometimes then have to remember I'm not your mom, but we're cool.  Why?"

Alicia shrugs. "Like I said, you're my friend and I care for how you feel."

She perks up, her mood shifting like a lava lamp. "Hey, speaking of, Whad'chu think of the new girl, Lay-nee? Did'chu find out what her power is?"

"Not yet.  She's supposed to be a junior though, at least by her age, so I think she's missed a lot of school because of it."  Sammy shrugs.  "I guess she's probably ok.  Not like there was a lot to judge her by.  She didn't seem horrible though, just a little clumsy."

Alicia shakes her head slowly. "Not all the time. I know how to move, and I could see she did too, in a way. Or maybe she does it without thinking."

She shrugs. "Anyways, I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. Us freaks gotta stick together, right?"

Sammy frowns.  "I wish you'd quit that.  If you don't think well of yourself, other people won't either.  You act like you're some kind of monster, but you're not!  If you are, then I am, and I'm not.  I'm just not fully human."

It's Alicia's turn to look confused. Her expression then shifts into a sad smile. "But, Sammy, I am a freak."

She turns to face Sammy. 'Freak. Noun. A person that is markedly unusual or deformed." She chuckles wryly. "And Mrs. Nelson thinks I don't pay attention in her class." Mrs. Nelson teaches the remedial English class that Alicia is in.

She reaches up and removes her shades, giving Sammy a full look of her inhuman eyes. "We are different, Sam. The thing is, you could spend your life without ever having to deal with it, fitting in with everybody else. I don't have that option. My difference stares me in the face every time I look in a mirror. So why bother pretending?"

She slips the shades back on. "But I'll do it, for you. Because you, and Ree-is, and the rest of you guys been nice to me in spite of what I am."

Sammy stops in her tracks.  "I'm only still human because of Colin," she says.  She tugs at the collar of her shirt and pulls it so that Alicia can see the tattoo.  "Magical.  He got one at the same time.  He literally held me here, grounded me, preserved my humanity when the universe offered to take me away on the winds.  "If I wanted, if I got angry and quit caring, I could level this building without too much effort.  I don't have to breathe, ever.  I have to remember to do it because it makes people scared when I don't.  I walk when I want to soar.  I live in fear of people finding out what I really am, because there are people out there who would want to kidnap me and use me, drain me, just like those damned witches..."  She looks like she's in pain when she says those last few words.  "So yeah, I can pass, but don't ever think I don't have to deal with being different every single day."

Alicia looks down and speaks softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

She lifts her head and looks entreatingly at Sammy. "The thing is, you do; deal with it, I mean. I never had much of a chance to. For a long time, I didn't even try.

"That's why I've been messing up since I came here. I promised Mom I'd be better, but..."

She waves her hands vaguely, unable to explain her frustration before finally blurting out. "Everyone keeps saying 'be true to yourself,' but I'm not sure if I really want people to see my true self."

Sammy speaks slowly yet earnestly, afraid now of saying the wrong thing but needing to say something important.  "Yeah, but do you even see your true self, or are you so busy pretending to be one thing or another, or believing another set of things, that you can't even see yourself anymore?  I haven't known you too long, so I could be all wrong about this, but it seems like you're hungry for approval from other people, and so afraid of not getting it or of getting hurt that you throw up defenses before anybody can try." Sammy mimes claws and smiles.  "I still can't figure out how I slipped through.  I wonder though, if it wouldn't help you to talk to somebody who can help you to find your real true self.  You can work outward from there."

Alicia muses, almost to herself, "Ree-is says stuff like that, about me throwing up defenses."

She looks at Sammy tentatively. "I guess I'm scared to see who I really am. What if I don't like what I see? What if I really am a monster?"


Alicia smiles back. "Probably the fact that you stuck with me even after I..." She mimics the "claw" gesture.

She cocks her head. "Are you talking about your mom? You mentioned she had some problems when she was young. You think she could help me?"

"What if you're not?"


"Maybe.  Jack might know somebody too, somebody who specializes in people with paranormal abilities.  If you want to, I mean."

Alicia shrugs dispiritedly. "Doesn't make it any easier to want to risk finding out."


She cocks her head questioningly. "Jack? Who's that?"

"He's my trainer.  Our group trainer.  Kind of.  He's a really old guy who only looks about 30.  He used to be some kind of super soldier.  He's also the man who'll be chaperoning me this summer when the band is touring.  I'll take you to meet him; he owes me a butt chewing anyhow.  I've been bad about showing up for sessions lately.

Alicia is suitably impressed. "You guys got a trainer? As in combat training? Cool."

She doesn't bother commenting on the fact that, as far as she's concerned, 30 is really old.

"Yeah.  He's all right for somebody who's like, 90 or something like that.  I'll take you next time I'm supposed to be there."

Alicia grins and nods enthusiastically. The idea of combat training succeeds in derailing any self-defeating thought trains.

She pauses for a moment, biting her lip. With a sudden rush, she moves up to Sammy and grabs her in a quick hug.

"Thanks, hermana," she whispers in Sammy's ear. She drops her arms, steps back, flashes another grin, then runs off.